Dear Boris
I kinda listened to your resignation speech in 'The House' today. I'm sure your friends were impressed. In fact, I saw a couple of them patting your shoulder in support. Me - meh - not so much. I'm one of the people who have sussed you out, Boris. You're an ass. Or an arse. Suit yourself.
Not a word that comes out of your mouth can be relied on. You are likely to contradict what you said today, either tomorrow or next week. But contradict yourself you surely will. Because that's just how you are. You're not in politics to serve the people. You're serving Boris. And you'll say whatever suits you.
The big difficulty is that what the UK really needs right now is not arseholes who have bluffed their way through two years - two years, Boris! - since the EU Referendum and still haven't been able to come up with a plan. They need leaders. Treeza doesn't fit that category. She's the Tory Party's bouc émissaire. And they'll dump her just as soon as they can.
But somehow I don't think you're the leader they're looking for either. There's more to being prime minister than just being prime minister, you see. Getting your feet under the desk in 10 Downing Street isn't going to be enough. And - lo and behold! - we're back to the plan! The one you and your friend Gove don't have.
What will you do if you get into number 10? Well, for a start I suggest you watch your back. Gove wants the PM job too. As do several others. But what do you actually plan to do? See, there's that word plan again!
The awful thing is that for years I've been describing the UK as Ruritania and not really meaning it, but now I suspect it's for real. Check it out: http://www.ruritania.net/ A mythical country, led by people with lovely clothes and fine jewels, all their royals called Anastasia, adored by soldiers with names like Rupert, who wear lovely uniforms covered in gold braid. Nothing bad ever happens in Ruritania, although it is often threatened. Peasants toil in the fields all day and spend their free time dancing. What's not to like?
That, I'm afraid, it not what the modern UK is like. For a start, there are these pesky Scots on the northern frontier who are already pissed off with the idea that they can go on being the foot soldiers of the Ruritanian army. Then there's the heathen Irish, with the example south of them of what happens when you tell the Ruritanians to shove their government - and their money - and go their own way. Of course, the Welsh are no problem...yet. But they may pick up a few ideas from their neighbours to the west and north.
And then, Boris, there's the rest of England: the bits you are apparently unaware of. The sleeping giant of the UK: the north, west, east and midlands of England which have been ignored for a couple of generations now. The areas that expect some sort of revival with Brexit. As you promised. Is that going to happen? And what becomes of the green and pleasant land if it doesn't?
Not a word that comes out of your mouth can be relied on. You are likely to contradict what you said today, either tomorrow or next week. But contradict yourself you surely will. Because that's just how you are. You're not in politics to serve the people. You're serving Boris. And you'll say whatever suits you.
The big difficulty is that what the UK really needs right now is not arseholes who have bluffed their way through two years - two years, Boris! - since the EU Referendum and still haven't been able to come up with a plan. They need leaders. Treeza doesn't fit that category. She's the Tory Party's bouc émissaire. And they'll dump her just as soon as they can.
But somehow I don't think you're the leader they're looking for either. There's more to being prime minister than just being prime minister, you see. Getting your feet under the desk in 10 Downing Street isn't going to be enough. And - lo and behold! - we're back to the plan! The one you and your friend Gove don't have.
What will you do if you get into number 10? Well, for a start I suggest you watch your back. Gove wants the PM job too. As do several others. But what do you actually plan to do? See, there's that word plan again!
The awful thing is that for years I've been describing the UK as Ruritania and not really meaning it, but now I suspect it's for real. Check it out: http://www.ruritania.net/ A mythical country, led by people with lovely clothes and fine jewels, all their royals called Anastasia, adored by soldiers with names like Rupert, who wear lovely uniforms covered in gold braid. Nothing bad ever happens in Ruritania, although it is often threatened. Peasants toil in the fields all day and spend their free time dancing. What's not to like?
That, I'm afraid, it not what the modern UK is like. For a start, there are these pesky Scots on the northern frontier who are already pissed off with the idea that they can go on being the foot soldiers of the Ruritanian army. Then there's the heathen Irish, with the example south of them of what happens when you tell the Ruritanians to shove their government - and their money - and go their own way. Of course, the Welsh are no problem...yet. But they may pick up a few ideas from their neighbours to the west and north.
And then, Boris, there's the rest of England: the bits you are apparently unaware of. The sleeping giant of the UK: the north, west, east and midlands of England which have been ignored for a couple of generations now. The areas that expect some sort of revival with Brexit. As you promised. Is that going to happen? And what becomes of the green and pleasant land if it doesn't?
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