Dear Mr Verhofstadt

It was good to hear your view on the UK government's reaction to the extension to their negotiations to leave the EU: 'First thing they do is go on holiday.' 

You may as well know that they plan to spend most of the next six months nipping off on holiday. After all, that second home in the Algarve isn't going to take care of itself. 

This is called the British work ethic. You and I may think leaving the EU is a crisis that merits at least turning up for work, but that's not how the Conservative Party works. Some of them have got into the habit of telling off the voters for not working hard enough, ignoring the people who run the business world and acting as if  they have all the time in the world - and every right to take as long as they want to reach a decision. 

You must have noticed how they work: they sit around a lot in the chamber, baying at each other, arguing with the Speaker, following their Henry the Eighth rules. They tend to forget that the whole UK can see and hear them on the Parliament Channel - and a lot of us don't like what we see. 

They've completely missed out on two big facts while they sit around arguing. 16.1 million voters voted to remain in the EU and they've been feeling disenfranchised since the day of the vote. And 17.4 million voters wanted to leave the EU three years ago and they now feel disenfranchised too. 

So what's to be done? Well, in fact the EU is to be applauded - you've played a blinder over this so far. An extension is just what was needed, so the UK will end up with EU elections. I'm waiting for my voting card to arrive any day now. Not that what happens in Scotland matters very much, although it's likely there will be no Conservative or Labour MEPs. Sadly, it looks as if we'll be stuck with that clown Coburn. Sorry about that. 

But there's going to be hell to pay in England. The Conservatives and Labour are about to get a fright, as all the leave parties gang up on them: Brexit, Britain First, UKIP are all going to steal seats.

So what can you do to help, Guy? Let me ask you head-on: do you have a plan to reform the EU? You must know there are aspects that quite a few countries don't like. Some statesmen, like Macron, have suggested action is needed. There are people in the UK toying with the idea of switching from leave to remain. Any little hint of future reform would help. And, while we're at it, could you get someone to suggest that the bits of the UK (Northern Ireland and Scotland) that voted to remain will be very welcome in the EU? Tusk could do that - he's already dropped hints about it. 

But most of all what the EU can do it get ready for the Conservative Party to implode. It's the worst government we've ever seen - and we've seen some absolute howlers: we once had a Chancellor of the Exchequer who said he worked out the budget using matchsticks. That didn't end well either. 

Anyway, have a decent Easter break - and keep the pressure on Theresa May.