The Polls

I do opinion polls. For money. I do about 4 on a regular basis. It doesn't take up much time and every so often a nice wee cheque drops through my letterbox. One organisation is based in Scotland and the others are UK-wide.

The summer is pretty quiet poll-wise but now that brexit has hotted up again, the polls are everywhere. You'll find these polling companies advertising for members on Facebook, but there are things you have to know before you sign up:

- Some polls, especially on consumer goods and services, exclude people over the age of 50. People that age don't spend as much on consumer goods as young people. You can find yourself getting bounced out as soon as they know your age so they can focus on young people.

- Others, the political ones, are quite keen to question older people, but you should ask why: is it because they're looking for traditional right wing voters? And does that influence the way they phrase their questions?

- Some polling companies are staffed by numpties, so some of the questions you'll be asked will be badly framed, and not all polls have a wee space at the end for you to express your opinion of the poll questions. If these spaces exist, make sure you comment. Apart from anything else. this is the only place you can make sure Scotland exists for the pollsters.

- Most polling companies do not accept the existence of Scotland. They have no concept of a separate Scottish education system, police, legal system or Scottish Parliament. It's a pleasure to remind them.

The most important thing about these opinion polls is who pays for them. Sometimes it's companies in the retail trade and sometimes it's political parties. The rich ones with donors behind them. The unionist parties. You're not going to see many polls paid for by the SNP or the Scottish Greens.

After that, there's the question of how the political polls always seem to come up with such close margins on just about everything participants are polled on, whether it's on brexit, Scottish independence or Irish reunification. All of these seem to poll at about 50-50. And no matter how utterly pathetic the Tory Party's brexit negotiation efforts are, they still keep on winning the next general election - according to the polls.

How come? Maybe the polling companies don't attract as wide a range of participants as they should? Maybe some people are excluded who should be in the polls? Maybe some polls are no more than a feature of the politics of the UK.

And for that reason, they should be distrusted.

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